Tahu Bulat thoughts · Uncategorized

I am writing!

Here, now, I want to write, anything that comes to my mind recently. Enjoy life? absolutely! Nevertheless, I’m still longing for something to work for.

Lately, I just living my life day by day, with no big goal. When people ask me what I want to be after I graduated from here? my head is as clear as sky.

One thing catch my attention,the fact that I am mesmerized by one of TV channel which I failed to get in to. The more I see it, the more curious I get. I have to get to that TV channel! Is this thing included as passion?as goal? I am confused since many motivators always encourage their listeners to be entrepreneur? so?

Another activity that never bores me is working, with kids. I do have job in this area, I enjoy it to the moment that I don’t feel that I’m working. I’m playing! To be honest, I admire my working environment, where it has supportive teachers and leader, truly beyond my expectation. Should I start to dig deeper in this field?

Additionally, make accessories is also another favorite thing to do. Just like my mom who likes to save many recipes but not a single one is made, I saved many accessories, DIY, upcycle and cute hairbands on pinterest, but always say that I have no time for them. Ugh, I miss my messy tools at home :”( The question is, should I spare time (and money) here? 🙂

Reason that I hesitate to invest my resources in these areas is I know that both create almost no or just a little money. As a girl, I LOVE SHOPPING!!! (books and nice clothes, and sneakers, and food)

Any suggestion?


Tahu Bulat thoughts

A letter from 3,539 km Away

for you,

trouble is friend but trouble is a foe. Trouble comes not to make you weak, but otherwise make you strong. That’s what I believe. Learn to forgive dear, thus make your heart gentler and braver.

It grieves me to think that I am not by your side right now when you need me the most. I am not physically there, but I am with you. I am more than willing to hear every single story you want to share. I won’t judge and I won’t blame. I will give my comment when you want me to say it. Keep my words dear.

Sorry that maybe you see this as a nonsense, but I pray for you every single day. What else can I do? I can only ask God to take care of you.

So here I am, sitting in my computer, writing a letter that maybe you don’t want to read. But hey, I am with you! That what matters right?

Tahu Bulat thoughts

It is IMPORTANT to be part of a Catholic community


Human basic need is to socialize, humans can not live alone. When we are still in school, whether you want it or not you have do this thing like group projects, team play or anything. But after you graduate, you don’t have to do this again and social circle will get smaller and smaller. It is okay for some people, but not for me.

used to live in a very crowded home (by come-and-go neighbors) and have to go to small city and live in a very quiet boarding house really stressed me out! I was freak out, homesick and cry most nights (because it was very quiet).  Fortunately, my sister asked me to join in a Catholic Charismatic community called Seraphim Catholic Ministry (SCM). Like Catholics in common, it was new, unusual and bizzare. I was a little bit concerned, they use different songs than usual but it is interesting. Because most young Catholic in my city still unfamiliar with this lifestyle. Weekly churching is only an obligation, no meaning. Just come, sit, listen to preachers (if able to listen) and go home. Passive.

It is so wrong! What we do here is more than sit or listen. What we do are praise God together, learn what His words mean, and find what God really want to do with our life. Even though I am not really active but I can feel something different. I am calmer than I used to be, I am more confident, I take positive runaway when I have problems. sounds cliche right?

but I can guarantee that if you do it wholeheartedly, it will give positive comeback. There are many community like this. SCM is only one of it. In Malang, there are Komunitas Tritunggal Mahakudus (KTM) and HOPE (more?), and in Surabaya I know only HSM. Try it, it won’t hurt. It won’t be fun at first, but They will welcome you (plus, there are food (sometimes)) It’s not your choice to take a part, it’s His.

Tahu Bulat thoughts

One (more) Night To Remember

Last Saturday I asked to handle one sweet seventeen birthday party. It was a special request from a close relation and I know it will be my first and last event here in Malang. I prepared and did my best from preparation, execution and after. It was a small party, close friends, family and relation are invited. and Thank God I gave my best even though it still far from perfect.

My best friend, April and Daniel, and my sister helped me. Our job was to decor the venue and organize the event. It was NOT an easy job. I never do this decor thing, and I thank Daniel for being there, without him I was completely clueless. I believe it will be a disaster rather than a party. He handled all the decoration, from the idea until it was there and you can see it. April you did a very great job, I am a messy person, I keep forget things and April is the one who clean after my mess. My sister (and his boyfie), Jennifer, go around the city for me to look for materials I need. Thankyou is never enough! You guys are the best! Love you guys to the moon and back.

The event was far from perfect, a lot of problems happened. For example: The keyboardist came without the keyboard stand! We tried to give him a table but without feeling guilty he just said “It’s too high for me, usually I play with chair” So you put two chair and use it as keyboard stand. It TOTALLY DESTROY our hard work making a great decoration in a very limited space. The birthday cake was burnt, confetti timing was bad, the food did not out on time, we are far too late behind the schedule. But overall it all went well, didn’t it?

I am not very sure either. One thing I sure is I had a great time, I like to have this collaboration with my sister and closest friends. I like to think and arrange a great party, hunting new ideas and small details. I want to learn, I appreciate every single help and experience that comes within.

To Jennifer, April, and Daniel:

It is my first collabo with you guys but it won’t be the last. I believe for another party we can do, another problems we will solve, more nights to remember (we already had one). Your presence in Taiwan will be needed, I promise to take you to every single great place. Call me when you need me, cause I will be there although we are miles apart!

Remember, distance is just number, you can easily ignore it.

Tahu Bulat thoughts


menurutku, ada satu keuntungan menjadi seorang yang masih muda?


soalnya kalau gak pasti, kita bisa menentukan mau kemana arah dan tujuan kita? it is up to us!

mau jadi apa kita nanti? apa yang akan dilakukan di hari esok? apa keahlian baru yang ingin kita pelajari? Dari pengalamanku, rasa tidak pasti kaya gini yang bikin muncul rasa khawatir. Pikiran-pikiran kecil gak guna yang bikin nyali jadi ciut duluan. Mau nyoba nge gym, takut diliatin dan dinyinyirin orang, mau ikut komunitas baru, udah takut gak diterima duluan atau mau belajar nyetir mobil, udah takut kecelakaan duluan. Kadang orang sih santai bilang “ngapain sih pake mikir kaya gitu?” dan setiap kali aku berusaha buat enggak mikir, eh malah pikiran aneh gitu menjadi-jadi.

Ini terjadi juga saat aku berhenti kerja jadi guru, aku beneran kaya orang bingung, semua gak pasti. Pendapatan dari mana? mau sibuk ngapain? Berhenti kerja cuma mau cari beasiswa yang gak pasti diterima, situ sehat?

Tapi emang dari awal udah ditekad in, coba semua cara, daftar beasiswa sana sini, sampe lembar fotokopi legalisir kampus udah abis. Daftar ke tiga kampus di Taiwan, berharap paling gak satu tempat nyantol. But thank God everything turned out well in the end. So, why worry? I got accepted in two places.

kalau memang itu jatahmu, gak akan kemana kok.

the point is: It is really OKAY for you to live in uncertainity and feel worry, BUT don’t spend too much time with it.

Perasaan khawatir akibat ketidakpastian itu wajar. Banget. Cuma, jangan meluangkan waktu banyak-banyak lah. Karena emosi negatif itu menyeret kamu sangat cepat dan cukup susah buat keluar. Mengutip dari buku The Happines Project karya Gretchen Rubin, disitu Gretchen bilang, kalau menjadi bahagia itu membutuhkan banyak sekali energi dan juga melelahkan, sementara menjadi negatif itu sangat mudah. Itulah yang membuat orang akan lebih cepat merasa negatif daripada merasa positif, it is easier to do than being happy.

Dan tetap aja, nikmati saat-saat ketidakpastian itu, dan pada saat sudah menemukan jalan keluar, I can even laugh about it, feel so stupid and turn it into jokes.

If you feel the same, feel free to give comment and maybe we can share and talk about it.


Thankyou for reading! ^^ Continue reading “Ketidakpastian”

Tahu Bulat thoughts

Hari Baik – New Definition

Aku yakin kalian semua pasti pernah mendengar istilah hari baik. Hari yang biasanya dikhususkan untuk kegiatan-kegiatan penting dalam hidup kita. Biasanya perkawinan, pertunangan, pindahan rumah atau juga penguburan seseorang (di beberapa adat orang Indonesia keturunan Tionghoa, hal ini masih sangat diperhitungkan.)

Tetapi, hari ini aku belajar mengenai suatu hari baik yang baru.

Hari baik yang baru ini aku mengerti setelah guruku kehilangan orangtuanya. Beliau sempat bercerita saat orang tua beliau berusia 70 tahun, mereka sudah berpesan pada anak-anaknya “Kalau hari baik Papi dan Mami dateng, bok (jangan) ditangisi lho ya, harus dirayakan dengan gembira”. Hari baik yang mereka maksud adalah hari kematian mereka. And I thought for a second, “Wow, it’s insane, how could you think death as a good fine day?”.

Dan pada hari baik yang mereka maksud itu tiba, keluarga besar dari guruku ini benar – benar melaksanakan apa yang diinginkan oleh orang tua beliau. Kepergian mereka diiringi oleh tawa bahagia dan pesan “Sampai ketemu lagi ya! Aku tungguen!”

Sungguh ak pikir itu adalah hal yang gak masuk akal, apa keluarga besar ini gak sedih?

Tapi satu hal yang mereka pahami, bahwa dengan bertindak demikian, arwah dari Papi dan Maminya guruku ini benar-benar bisa pergi dengan ringan, enteng, gak dibebani dengan rasa tidak ikhlas dari anak dan sanak saudara. Karena mereka paham, kalau sudah meninggal berarti sudah bebas kan? sudah gak sakit lagi kan ya?

Terkadang yang membuat kita menangisi saudara kita yang udah gak ada dikarenakan rasa egois kita sendiri, setiap orang pasti tidak siap ditinggal orang yang dikasihi. Itu hal yang wajar, akhir dari hidup tidak ada orang yang pernah tahu. Ya, rasa tegar dan bahagia yang bisa ditampilkan oleh keluarga guru ku itu bukan hal yang datang gitu aja, atau hal yang bisa kita pelajari (secara orang pergi selamanya biasanya mendadak, kan?) melainkan dengan cara memintanya pada yang memberi hidup. Kuatkan diri kita sendiri dengan berdoa, setiap hari, dipupuk secara perlahan.

Satu hal lagi yang harus aku masukkan dalam doa.

Tahu Bulat thoughts

Merry May – Don’t you worry bout a thing

This is my first time writing for my own personal page. My name is Jessica, I am a freelancer and soon to be a Master student in Cheng Kung University Taiwan.

I can say that I am more than honored to be part of most prestigious school in southern Taiwan. I come from Malang city, Indonesia. as common citizen, going to school is a must-to-do thing. But the “normal” thing here, after you get your bachelor degree, you have to work. Work here I mean is an office work, freelance works are not included.

I took accounting major for my bachelor, and I didn’t like it. at all. I did it to please my parents. But I am grateful to be accounting student, I met amazing lecturers, great friends and crazy experience. When I was in University, I was known as a not too bright student and one who always take maximum absent available. I graduated with only 3,4 GPA out of 4,0. Not too good I guess. I completed my duty as daughter and now I think I want to discover more about myself. This is my rebellion phase. I hardly decline job as an office worker. So I took teaching job, thinking of it as my exit door.
Try to get a whole different kind of job made me realize what I want with my life. And going to school abroad seems like a crazy option. so I took my risks to do it. I stopped being a teacher and focus only to get scholarships.

Hours and days passed only to google any scholarships, any countries with only escape thing in my mind. Think of it as my exit one more time. But it is my turn back point, I can not run anymore. I have to find who I am, what do I really like and who I want to become. It is like talking in a front of mirror, you see who you are the way you are now and get no answers. Confused and stressed. I am questioning my self. WHY? Why I want to do this? is it really for me? Do I able to do this?

So I took my chance, apply only in Taiwan in 3 different school and Cheng Kung university is one of them. I put all my efforts, hard work and pray to my application. After months of waiting, the result is out. I can say it proudly now, I am officialy a Master student of Cheng Kung University Tainan, Taiwan.

I’ll tell you more how to apply in next post.

Let me celebrate and deal with my application procedure more ^^